Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize