So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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