saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
