i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
