At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
