Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize