Already got asked if we're dating
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
