cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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