Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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