dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
