I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
