Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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