my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
