Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize