I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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