i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
