i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
