Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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