where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize