We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
