you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
