I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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