what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
