WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
