Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
