Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
