I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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