it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
