in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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