Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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