Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
