You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
