I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
