i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
