We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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