where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
