I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
