i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
