This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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