her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
