i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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