I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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