I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
