i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
