My room smells like vodka and shame
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize