I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Randomize
