This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
