Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
