K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
