I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just high enough for therapy.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
