Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
