just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
