I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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