im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
