If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
