Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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