oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
