a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
