based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
