he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize