giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
