she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
