ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
no you cant smoke seaweed
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
