don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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