My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
