I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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