i need an iv and a liver transplant
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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