This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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