non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
