you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
