Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
