I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize