This girl is more easily done than said...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
