Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
