well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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