So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
