If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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