I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
