Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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