4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize