I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
