Dual....:-)
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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