dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
