Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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