Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
