im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
