I got chris browned last night
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
