He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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