i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize