Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So much rum. So many feels.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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