I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
