Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
