I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
