I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
