Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
