dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
