pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
