Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
