Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize