I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
