I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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