Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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