If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
