we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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