Why does Corona taste like a burp?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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